Dear FanFiction Writers
by 101olive4u
Summary: The characters of Divergent's opinions about things written about themselves. A file of complaints from their viewpoints!
1. Chapter 1: Tris

**Hello, my loves! Here I am writing you a oneshot about all the repeated things I've seen in Divergent Fanfics. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm not criticizing anybody ONE BIT, I've just seen these things and thought of how Tris would react to them! So really, I'm not criticizing ANYONE! **

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Dear FanFiction writers, I am here talking to file an...observation of all the cliches written in many, many of your stories about me.

_1\. I am not strangely fluent in any languages aside from English._

_2\. I do not get raped by Peter or someone in every story._

_3\. I do not go to the hospital in every story._

_4\. I am not freakishly rich and drive a Ferrari._

_5\. I am not an amazing singer._

_6\. I assure you that my friends do not call me Trissypoo_

_7\. Lauren is not after my boyfriend._

_8\. I am not a famous popstar._

_9\. My friends do not try to hook me up with Tobias in every story by having us play Seven Minutes of Heaven._

_10\. I do not fall in love with Tobias after the third chapter of every story._

_11\. No, no matter how much you wish it to be, my boyfriend is not a Sex God._

_12\. Nita is not after my boyfriend._

_13\. Primrose Everdeen is not always my coffee ordering name, sometimes I go for Ginny Weasley._

_14\. I am not amazingly good at every single thing I do._

I could go on forever, but I've decided to save your time. So all in all, I wish I were all of these things, but I doubt anyone is exactly like that! But I must praise all of you smart authors for always writing ONE cliche that IS very true! And that is Christina DOES drag me on ridiculously long and extended shopping trips to buy me exposing clothing because she doesn't think I 'take enough risks.' Hello, I am a Dauntless! How could she say that? You should see the things she tries to get me to wear….He he, better stop talking, shouldn't I?

I still love all of you amazing FanFiction Writers, every last one of you!

_Tris_

P.S. Ya know, you could always write about me conquering the world with my sexy boyfriend by my side….That would be a good one….

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***Sniff* My first Divergent oneshot! Wowza! But if no one likes it, I can definitely delete it. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone in anyway,if I have, I can definitely delete.**

**But please, I'd love to hear what you think! ;) Leave a review, if you could and would!**

**I love you all!**

**xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2: Tobias

**HI GUYS! So I decided that this story wasn't going to be a oneshot but multiple chapters! Yay! So here's Tobias's!**

**Just a reminder to anyone reading this, this story is purely for entertainment! I am not criticizing anyone's writing nor judging people's ideas. Just some observations I've made and decided to put into a story! I luv all of you, don't worry!**

**Enjoy!**

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Dear people that apparently write about my life,

First of all, HOW DO YOU KNOW ME? That's a little creepy….

But since you apparently know me, here's some things you've got wrong…

_1\. I am not a person that hated girls until Tris came along. I just didn't find the perfect girl! That's perfectly understandable! Right?_

_2\. I do not punch Eric or Peter every story. I mean, what's that about?_

_3\. I am not obsessed with cars. Who even came up with that idea? I feel confused._

_4\. I assure you that I've never been dared to go into the Pit and twerk for an audience. You don't have proof of that….._

_5\. Zeke and I are not drinking buddies._

_6\. Uriah is not after my girlfriend._

_7\. Extremely protective?! What, nooooo, not me!_

_8\. I am not the quarterback on my high school's football team. I don't even go to high school…_

_9\. No matter how much you lovely ladies out there wish, I am neither vampire nor werewolf._

_10\. I am not 'Prince Tobias' from 'The Kingdom Of Eaton.' Hmmmmmmm…..that'd be cool, though….alright, scratch that….._

_11\. I am not the brother of someone named 'Jace Lightwood'. Or was it 'Jace Herondale'? 'Morgenstern'? 'Wayland'?! Who is this guy?!_

_12\. I do not participate in an event called 'The Hunger Games.' Whatever that is….And who's Peeta? I know I don't like him. I just don't._

So…..yeah. I mean, it'd be cool to be a werewolf quarterback twerking tribute prince with a brother named Jace-Just Jace. But sadly, that probably won't come true. *tear*

Well,I've got to go. Have a whole day of eating Dauntless cake to get to!

_Tobias_

P.S. Like Tris said, conquering the world with me, the sexy, is always a good idea! Keep that in mind.

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**SOOOOO... How was it? Leave a review! I love hearing from all of you! Thanks SO SO SO SO much to my seven lovely reviewers on the last chapter!**

**I'll update soon, PROMISE!**

**xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3: Christina

**Hello, loves! Olive here again! Wowza, this is probably the fastest I've ever updated! Wowza... Anywho, thank you so much to all the people that reviewed, followed, and favorited the last two chapters! I really do appreciate it! (Why isn't Favorited STILL not a word? I just don't get it! What's up with that?...Oh whee! What's up with that! What's up with that!) **

**As specially requested by the very sweet reviewer _I Am A Werewolf Girl, _I give you...CHRISTINA!**

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Dear FanFiction Writers,

Christina here! And I'm here today to give you a list about ME! Well, the me that you write about in your stories…..

_1\. I am not a shopping zombie. I just happen to like shopping as a hobby and go every week and have a map of the mall memorized in my head…..Nothing strange._

_2\. I am not a fashion zombie. I just think that you cannot live without having style and I like to fix people up who need help with looking good. That isn't weird either…_

_3\. I am not a makeup zombie. I just happen to like to make my face pretty by using a special routine I've formed over the years and force-I mean, help others with theirs. Again, that's not weird!_

_4\. I am not Tris's maid. No. No way. Nope. Just….no. Nu uh. Girl, you did not just suggest that..._

_5\. I have not, will not, or even think about dating Uriah. Marlene would kill me and throw my body into the chasm. Just kidding, she's too nice to do that! Right…?_

_6\. I have never had my hair dyed pink by Zeke, or Uriah, OR Four! If that did happen, there wouldn't be a Zeke, a Uriah, or a Four anymore…._

_7\. I am not a fulltime matchmaker. Ooh, that'd be fun though…...OOH! Those two over there look cute together….!_

_8\. I do not personally pick out each of my friends' clothing and match their outfits to their boyfriends'. Whaaaaaaaaat?! That's weird! Where'd you ever get an idea like that!...*Cough* How did you find out!?*Cough*_

_9\. The mall is not my second home._

_10\. I am not boy crazy._

_11\. I do not get in the way of other peoples' love lifes! I merely make suggestions about how to be better couples and why or why not their relationships work…._

_12\. I am not an angel. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?_

So I hope that this list has helped define facts from lies! Because I am not a zombie angel matchmaker that has pink hair and is obsessed with shopping. Because I'm not. Really. Well…

Got to go! Willydilly is calling me! Oops! Did I say that out loud?

Love and fashion!

_Christina_

P.S. Ya know, you could always do a story about Princess Christina who shops all day and HAS a maid, and isn't one. OOH, and is engaged to Prince Willydilly! Oops, I said that again, didn't I…...

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**And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, Christina! How'd you like it?! Was it good?! I hope it was good!**

**Just a little reminder to all of you, I am not criticizing your decisions on story choices in any way! This story is purely for entertainment purposes and not to criticize! Because I love you...even if I don't know you...but I still love you! *Air kisses* Mwa mwa!  
So I hope that you have the time to leave a review, favorite, follow, or PM to me! I really do appreciate it! **

**Hope you enjoyed and look forward to the next chapter, Zeke next week! (Hey hey hey! That rhymed!)**

**Luv ya!**


	4. Chapter 4: Will

**Oops, I lied. **

**Sorry folks, there's no Zeke today. Instead I give you...WILL! Whoo! Thanks so much for all the feedback and support you have given me! I thank every one of my lovely reviewers and followers and favoriters! **

**Just another note, I am not criticizing anyone's ideas at all with this story, I just saw some things that I thought were funny and that Will would disagree to. Luv ya!**

**Have fun reading Will!**

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Chapter 4

Dear eldritch people that observe me and my actions as well as make ones up of your own….Which is weird…..

1\. CHRISTINA DOESN'T CALL ME WILLYDILLY! That was an accident….that happened twice….in the last chapter…..

2\. I will let you know RIGHT now that I have never memorized, swallowed, or slept on a dictionary. I just choose my words with contingency and take pleasure in words that refuse to use. Mostly because their minds are tiny.

3\. I will not, have not, or ever will play football. That requires tactics and skills that I lack. But I am in chess club! You could put that down-wait, no. That sounds stupid. AND I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING, URIAH! YOU CAN STOP NOW!

4\. I refuse to turn into my lovely girlfriend's slave and drown in her ceaseless shopping bags. No matter how much I love her and will do anything for her….*sigh* BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

5\. I have never called my girlfriend 'feisty'. At least not in public…

6\. I have never turned into a werewolf in the Pit. Enough said.

7\. I am not turning into Christina, no matter what Zeke says. And I'm not spending too much time with her. I was just giving Tris a point out on her Fashion-No Nos. Did I just say Fashion No Nos? Oh dear….

AND CAN WE JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK FOR A MINUTE THAT THE MOVIE HAD ME AS A BRUNETTE?! I hate them. I literally hate them. I. Am. Blonde. And I'm immensely proud of it! HELL YEAH!

Until we meet again,

Will

P.S. I've come to an astute decision to start a rebellion against the brunette Will! Because he's weird and I. AM. BLONDE.

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**As you can see, Will and I feel very strongly about the whole Blonde Brunette Will Scenario. Yup. That's what I've been calling it. And it's official too, caps lock and all! It. Killed. Me. When. Will. Was. Not. Blonde. It. Killed. Me. Did it kill you, or am I just overreacting? **

**As you can probably tell, I definitely used a thesaurus on this chapter! Because my brain cannot hold that many words in it! Because its, you know, normal sized. Unlike his. **

**Leave a review, follow, or favorite, and look forward to Zeke next week! (HEY, that still rhymes!)**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	5. Chapter 5: Zeke

**Hallo! How's everyone? Good, I hope! Well, here I am a week later! It felt longer...Anywho, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it! AND THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO AGREE WITH ME ABOUT THE BLONDE WILL PHENOMENON! You are my kind of people. So without further ado, I bring you...Zeke!**

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Hey, my peeps! I know the others were total killjoys and all, being so picky and stuff. Oh, and thinking its weird ya guys know about our lives and all….But ya know what? I'm cool with that, I'm cool! I always knew that there were people watching me…...Yeah, not really, its actually quite creepy. Anywho….

_1\. I do not have many random costumes in my hall closet. For example, a unicorn, Princess Belle, a hotdog, a fairy princess, you get the picture. I mean, even if I did….WHICH I DON'T…...But if I did….again, though I don't…..They'd probably be there for a specific and important reason._

_2\. I do not have a 'bromance' with Four. Mostly because I don't know what a 'bromance' is. What is a 'bromance'? I need to know here…._

_3\. have never EVER proposed to Eric….hehe…..hmmmmmmmm….*Cough*Who told you?*Cough* But EVEN if I did...which I wouldnt've, it would've been for a dare. *Cough*WAS IT URIAH?!*Cough*_

_4\. I am pretty sure I don't giggle or have giggle fits. Giggling is for girls, everyone knows that! I mean really…_

_5\. I do not hook up with random girls. 'Nuff said. Hey, that should be my new saying! 'Nuff said'! I am a genius!_

_6\. I am not, or have never been a general in a war in…..some country. Mostly because I, according to my friends and girlfriend, "have the intelligence and sophistication of a first grader." So….no. BUUUUUUUUUT, if I was a general, our army would be the life of the par-tay! Oh, they don't have any parties? No? Oh._

_7\. I have never turned into an aardvark. On a side note to that, I have never, in the form of that aardvark, climbed up onto my brother's lap. Yeah. That'd be cool, though, being an aardvark. Having nothing to trouble you...Hey, isn't that a song?! A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K! Yeah!_

_8\. No, never have I ever offered a butt massage to Shauna. Really. Wait…..*Processing thoughts* That's a good idea…._

_9\. I didn't play matchmaker for Four and Tris. Which makes Fourtris. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I just simply pushed the two in the right direction….at each other…..literally…...they sorta banged heads…_

So yeah! Ummmmmm….that's all I have to say! Maybe I can will myself into an aardvark form! Yeah! Is it possible? Probably not! Can I still try? Yes I can! Will I look stupid? Yes I will! Should I offer my girlfriend a butt massage? Yes I should! Is it a great idea? Yes it is! Will she probably kill me for that? Probably! Is it worth it? Maybe!

_Zeke_

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**Ta daaaaaaa! How was it? Leave a review, follow, PM, or favorite if and when you have the time! I enjoy hearing from you!**

**Just a reminder that none of this is supposed to be offensive, I just thought they were funny! Seriously, you guys have some wacky, crazy, and hilarious idea...Which I adore!**

**Luv ya!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**

**P.S. Look for Shauna next week! I've sorta been doing it by couples, ya see! OOOH! Bet ya didn't see that pattern! Probably did, its not that hard. *Smartness* **


	6. Chapter 6: Shauna

**Hello my lovelies! I hope you all have been well! Sorry about not updating in awhile, but I've been busy. Real life comes first, right? (Personally I feel it should be the other way around) **

**Quick reminder, I am not criticizing anyone at all with this story! Some of these ideas are from some of my very favorite stories! I just love how funny and hilarious they are!**

**Enjoy reading Shauna!**

Shauna

_Dear, ummm, people? Is that what I should call you? Okay. Hi then, people! Remember me? I'm Shauna. Cause alot of you forget!_

_1\. Yeah, why do I randomly turn up in the third chapter? Is it because you forget about me and then remember 'oh yeah, there's that other girl too!'_

_2\. I do not have an obsession over watermelon jolly ranchers! They are just suuuper good and, like, twenty times better than the freaky blue ones._

_3\. I don't-oh wait, yes I do. Never mind number three._

_4\. I don't constantly slap Zeke on the back of the head. Oh, wait…..I do. But he deserves it! Especially when he says something stupid that he'll regret later. You see, I guide my dear boyfriend in the right direction! So scratch that._

_5\. I have never kissed Four. He's one of my best friends! Plus, who needs Four when you have Zekeypoo? Oh, don't tell Tris I said that. She's still convinced Four is the hottest. Which he sorta is…..DON'T TELL ZEKEYBEAR!_

_6\. I assure you that I have never twerked for Zeke while singing karaoke with Tris, Mar, and Chris. *Cough* I thought Uriah deleted that video*cough* URIAH!_

_7\. Like Zeke, I do not propose to random people. _

_8\. No, I do NOT have eight children! NOOOOOOOO! And worst of all, NOT before I turn thirty! NOOO! Which brings us to our last complaint…._

_9\. I do not have, how to put it….sexual intercourse with Zekeypoo regularly. No. But if that was true, than the eight kids would be a reality. *shivers*_

_So yeah! Hey, do you realize most of my complaints are related to Zeke? Weird...like the slapping of the head, the sexual intercourse, AND the twerking...incident. I must say, Zekeydarlingboo puts spice in my life!_

**And voila! Beautiful! Mwa mwa! *Bad attempt at air kisses* How did ya like it? Leave a review if you have the time! I cannot thank you enough, anyone who reviewed, followed, favorited, or even read this story! Enjoy reading Uriah next week! **

**P.S. Its not too late to join my 'Anti Brunette Will Revolution!' ;)**

**Have fun in life!**

**Olive**


	7. Chapter 7: Uriah

**Hey guys! I'm back, bringing you another chapter of Dear FanFiction Writers! Thanks so much for all the support in reviews, favorites, and follows you sent me! I can't thank you enought! This, by far, is probably the longest chapter I've wrote in this story! But it's Uriah, for goodness sakes, he has alot to be written about! So away we go with Uriah!**

**Enjoy! ;)**

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Hey my peeps!

Well it's Uriah here, your wildest sexual dream come true! *Cue seductive smile* OWWWWWOWWWWW! Marlene just made it her job to repeatedly whack me over the head with a rolled newspaper. Well it was her fault for reading over my shoulder! Anyway, onwards with the list! I, Uriah, will lead you through a list of complaints done by, none other than…..ME! You're handsome, kind, funny, sexy, considerate knight in shining armor! You see, I'm a package deal! OWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWW! Sheesh kabob, Marlene really shouldn't be reading over my shoulder! Her turn will come, PATIENCE MY DARLING! Ow. NO MORE HITTING!

_1\. I do not have an extremely strange obsession over poptarts. *Sigh* Ah, poptarts! My wildest dream, my lover, my God, my life. My poptarts…...Sorry, where were we?_

_2\. I have never had an extremely strange obsession over unicorns. Hehe…*whispers* they are beautiful. I mean, seriously! Have you seen them?! They are life. Then again, no one's really seen one yet…..But that doesn't mean they aren't real! The human population is too mean for the unicorns' delicate minds. Except I'm the exception! They've sent me a letter once! Though, now that I think about it, that handwriting looked alot like my brother's…...oh. Excuse me…..ZEKE, YOU'VE KILLED MY DREAM!_

_3\. I have never had an extremely strange obsession over Dauntless Cake. Actually, that's a lie. I LOVE DAUNTLESS CAKE, DAUNTLESS CAKE IS LIFE! Then again, unicorns and poptarts are also life, BUT I DON'T CARE! DAUNTLESS CAKE! DAUNTLESS CAKE! Oooowwww, ow ow ow ow! Marlene, you can let go of my ear now, I'm calm._

_4\. Christina's makeup was never stolen by me. That's just a myth that Zeke likes to tell everyone because he's jelly of me. He's so jealous, you can see jealously spilling out of his ears! Haha, now he's coming over here. He looks mad. Now he's grabbing me by the ear…..And now I'm outside, in the rain. Smart move, Zeke, smart move. I should just keep my mouth shut. JK! I'd never do that! Brrrr, it's actually really cold out here._

Haha, now I'm back in the house! Jeez, it was freezing out there. I'll have to get Zeke back for that.

_5\. I am not trying to bring back 'Pansycake'. Actually, I am. Pansycake is the best! It's what you call everyone that isn't you! Like I could call Four a Pansycake! Wait, then he'd make sure I failed Dauntless Initiation. I could call Tris a Pansycake! Oh, wait, then I'd be disowned as a friend by her. Fine then, I could call Shauna a Pansycake! NOOOOO, actually that's a bad idea. She'd lock me in a purple closet full of spiders and leave me there to fend for myself. That girl has weird revenge plans. Okay, I could call Zeke a Pansycake! Ooops, then he'd lock me out of the house again and tell Mom. *shiver* Well, I could call Marlene a Pansycake! Then again, she'd ban me from eating poptarts and Dauntless cake and looking at my unicorn book. That leaves us Lynn to call a Pansycake! AAAAAAH, WHAT AM I THINKING?! If I called Lynn a Pansycake, there wouldn't be a Uriah anymore. Cause he'd be dead, thrown in a river by none other than Lynn!_

_6\. I have never twerked while singing the My Little Pony theme song. Actually, that's on my bucket list, I still have to do that! I know! I can do that on Marlene's birthday, she'll love it! MY LITTLE PONY, MY LITTLE PONY! AAAAAAAAAH! MY LITTLE PONY! I used to wonder what friendship could beeeeeee-_

Marlene took away my pencil privileges. So now I'm writing with a pen! Hehe. I, still Uriah, have outwitted my lovely girlfriend yet again!

_7\. I do not have an extremely strange fear of strawberry pie. It's just gross. EEEEEEEEWWWWWW, I hate it! No! I can't even bear to look at the word itself! Marlene, my love, take it away! TAKE IT AWAY! Ow. No more newspaper!_

Toodles for now,

Uriah

P.S. MOM CALLS ZEKE ZEKEYBABYBEAR! Haha, now I have my revenge on my dear ol' brother! Oh, no. OWWWWWWWWWW! ZEKE, YOU KNOW I HAVE SENSITIVE ELBOWS! OW!

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**Wacky chapter, I know. But I'm an expert on wacky and weirdness, I just sorta let my inner Uriah shine! Everyone has an inner Uriah, we just need to show it more! Go inner Uriah! Whoo!**

**Leave a review, follow, favorite, or PM if you have the time! I love hearing from you guys! **

**And remember, it's not too late to join the Anti Brunette Will Revolution! Join us! Thanks to everyone who has joined me! **

**Ta, my friends! I look forward to hearing from you! And expect Marlene next week!**

**Until next chapter!**

**Olive**


	8. Chapter 8: Marlene

**Hey guys, Olive here bringing you another new chapter! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! And thanks so much to everyone that reviewed!**

**So on to Marlene!**

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Hey guys! Peace out! It's Marlene here! Yes, I'm the one that was doing the head-swatting and newspaper-hitting to Uriah in the last letter. But I'm not mean, I swear! It's just that it's Uriah! Come on, we all know what I'm talking about! You turn around for one minute, look back, and find him riding the merry-go-round! Or running at top speed down the road, chasing after the ice cream man. Or begging me for money to buy some poptarts! Or taking off his shirt to 'please the ladies.' Seriously, now you see what I have to deal with here!

Ooops, was I rambling? *giggle* Silly me! On with the complaints!

1\. I have never 'asked' Zeke or Uriah to do my makeup. Sure, they did it for me once, but that was on a dare! I never would've asked my idiot boyfriend, though. Zeke, on the other hand, is much different! At least he can tell bronzer apart from blush...unlike SOMEONE (You know I'm talking to you, Uriah) But he probably learned the day Shauna dragged him to the spa with us.

2\. I have NEVER cheated on Uriah with Four JUST so you weird shippers could write a fanfic on Uriah and Tris! I mean really! Four isn't even my type! He's too dark, mysterious, and he broods too much! Er, don't tell Tris I said that! She's got all of you Divergent lovers thinking that he's the perfect man! Pffft, no.

3\. I do not play 7 Minutes in Heaven with Uriah every other chapter of a story! No comment there.

4\. I assure you I've never stolen Uriah's cake, or poptarts, or unicorn book! No matter what he tells you!...Oh, what am I kidding! Of course I've stolen all of that! That boy will get fat if that's all he eats! Oh, don't worry sweetie! I didn't mean it like that! Come back!

5\. Tris is not after my boyfriend. Let's just make that clear. Especially since she has her 'Mr Perfect' already! And anyway, Uriah isn't her type! He's too sweet and silly and….Uriahlike for her taste! Hehe...not that you AREN'T nice, Tris! Hehe…...nice Trissy?

6\. I, along with Shauna, do not constantly slap Uriah across the back of the head-Wait what? Oh, I already said that I have…...twice? Oh, okay! Never mind!

7\. Which brings us to our last complaint! I am not Little Miss Sparkly Happy Twinkle Toes Angel Giggly Sunshine. Everyone portrays me as an angel, the angelic one! But I can be bad! So bad….Like one time, I didn't say thank you when the cook gave me my food! Or that time I stayed out seven minutes past my curfew! Oooh, or that other time I didn't share my apple with Uriah! So there! I can be bad! So bad…..

Hugs and kisses from your bestest friend Marlene!

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**And there you go! If you have the time, leave a review, follow, favorite, request for me to reply to your review or to read your story, or a PM message! **

**Don't forget, it's never too late to join the Anti Brunette Will Revolution! 'Cause who wants a brunette Will? **

**Oh, I almost forgot! About half an hour ago, I posted a new story! It's called The Populars and the Geeks! Do me a favor and check it out and give me feedback! Oh, and if there are any cliches from this story in that story, TELL ME. **

**Have a great day and look for Lynn next chapter! ;)**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	9. Chapter 9: Lynn

**Hey guys, Olive here! So so SO sorry for not updating in so long. I sort of lost my Divergent spark. But I re-kindled that spark and now I've updated both _Dear FF Writers_ and _The Populars and the Geeks_ tonight! (go meee, go meeeeee) I promise to update more frequently, or as much as I can. **

**Happy reading!**

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_Chapter 9 Lynn_

Alright Hellions, you listen up and you listen well. This is Lynn speaking. Lynn, aka the badass, aka the rebel, aka the one everybody messes up in their stories! Yeah I'm talking to you!

I am, by no means whatsoever, in love with Eric. Because, well if you didn't know….I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I'm sort of kind of a lesbian. If you didn't know that until now, sorry. If I've totally broken your heart, you probably deserved it. If you had a little mental breakdown and smashed your computer, you just wasted a perfectly nice computer, you Pansycake! If you were all like 'meh, I assumed anyway,' good for you, I like your attitude.

2\. I am still very much alive. (At the moment. I know I die or something, but I'm alive and well right now) So why do I die in car crashes every time? I swear, I've been in, like, a billion car crashes according to this stupid FanFiction.

3\. Okay, Hellions, what's up with the 'Long Hair Lynn Presupposition'? That's nearly as bad as the 'Brunette Will Phenomenon'! Why in the world would I have long hair? Long hair is such a burden! Plus it makes you look like a Pansycake. If you really want to know, Shauna and I chopped each other's hair off one night. Of course hers looked good, she left enough for it to hit her shoulders. And plus, she's Shauna. If she doesn't have enough hair to cover her shoulders, she has a total panic attack. And I mean throwing-everything-in-sight panic attack. Come to think of it, it's actually quite funny. Yeah, great sister, I know. I, on the other hand, cut mine all of to prove a feminist statement!

4\. I don't sing. Uriah asked me once if I wanted to do Karaoke Night with him. Later, when he had finally dragged himself out of that river, I asked him if he wanted to offer that up again.

5\. Uriah and I are not planning a Pansycake Seizure Of Power. 'Pansycake' does not need to be brought back because 'Pansycake' never left us. Well, at least it didn't leave the cool people. Note: Uriah is not included in this generalization. And anyway, if I wanted to start a Pansycake Revolution I definitely wouldnt've gone to Baby Pedrad for help!

6\. I am not Little Miss Grumpy Pessimist Angry Moody I-Hate-The-World OMG-Life-Is-Terrible Emo Gothic (actually, I like being gothic) Hot Tempered Pants. I think of anybody, Eric deserves that title.

7\. I do not interfere with Shauna's love life-OH MY GOD, ZEKE PEDRAD YOU IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER'S FACE?! OH GOD, MY EYES, MY EYES! SHAUNA, WE DISCUSSED THIS! YOU NEED A NEW BOYFRIEND! BETTER YET, NO BOYFRIEND AT ALL! AND CAN'T YOU IDIOTS FIND SOMEWHERE MORE PRIVATE TO SUCK FACES WITH EACH OTHER?! I MEAN REALLY! WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'THIS CLOSET WAS PERFECTLY PRIVATE UNTIL _I _BARGED IN'? OH GOD, NOW I HAVE TO GO WAS MY EYES WITH RUBBING ALCOHOL TO GET RID OF THE DISGUSTING IMAGE NOW BURNED FOREVER IN MY EYES! SO THANKS, JUST THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY! SERIOUSLY SHAUNA, YOU AND I ARE GONNA GO OUT AND FIND YOU ANOTHER MAN! WHAT WAS THAT ZEKE? YOU DON'T WANT ME TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP? WELL DO YOU STILL WANT THAT AFTER I PULVERIZE YOU AND THROW YOUR BODY IN THE RIVER? *snort* I THOUGHT NOT. SHAUNA, LET'S GO! HEY, HEY! DON'T YOU GIVE THAT ATTITUDE! WE'RE GOING NOW! ZEKE, STOP WHINING! AND GET YOUR HAND OFF MY SISTER'S ASS!

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**Ha! Oh, I love Lynn to pieces! She's probably the best! Or at least she's tied with Uriah for best. (Don't tell her I said that, she'll be out for my blood) So if you have the time, feel free to leave a review, follow, PM, or favorite! And if you have even more time to waste, read my new story _The Populars and the Geeks!_ I've only got three chapters so far, but I'm pretty excited for it.**

**It's never too late to join the Anti Brunette Will Revolution!**

**Have fun reading Caleb (or should I do Eric) next week!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	10. Chapter 10: Caleb

**Hey guys! Here's the newest chapter of _Dear FanFiction Writers! _'nuff said!**

**Happy reading!**

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*sniff* Oh you poor simple minded, lazy, inferior, non Erudite people. *tsk tsk* Such a pity. KIDDING. Seriously, 100% kidding! You can laugh now…..why aren't you laughing? Darn it! Well I guess that takes us into my very first complaint.

_1\. I DO know how to joke! Did you see that one back there? I was on FIRE! It's not like I'm a total cold person that has no idea what humor is! (Don't listen to anything Beatrice tells you) I am a very enjoyable and fun person to be around. Wait, why are you laughing? I'm not trying to be funny! Hmm, maybe I just have that effect on people. Who knows?_

_2\. Reading is not my life. Smartness is not my life. Chess club is not my life. (I'm talking to you, 101olive4u!) I can do fun things, just like Beatrice! Like that time I held a gun! (Only because Beatrice made me) Or when I jumped off of a moving train! (Again, Beatrice had all the input in that) But I DO do fun things. Like….like….like….Er, I'll get back to you on that._

_3\. I am not in love with Cara. Firstly, eew. She's like, alot older than me! That's just weird! Don't listen to the lies those pesky Dauntlesses feed you! I am a perfectly happy single person, thank you very much._

_4\. To address the rumor: no, I do not actually need glasses! And no, I most certainly did not buy them to "get to the ladies". No, I will not answer the question of why I bought glasses for no reason whatsoever._

_5\. I do not shun my sister._

_6\. I am not, will not, WILL NOT EVER be paired with Lynn! Cause if you guys don't know…...*cough* I'd hate to be the one to break it to you, but she's sort of kind of a lesbian._

_7\. I do not suck faces with Susan at every chance I get. Seriously, Beatrice needs to stop feeding you lies._

_8\. I have never been dragged into Beatrice and her stupid friends' games of Truth or Dare. (Better known and Candor or Dauntless) I would never allow myself to be drawn into a petty game of-hold on, the phone is ringing. *picks up phone* Hello? Oh hi Beatrice, I was just writing about you-WHAT? YOU SAID YOU'RE PREGNANT? BEATRICE PRIOR HOW COULD YOU?! I'M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW!_

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**I know, I know, kinda short. But you know! It still is a chapter! **

**So many of these cliches are ones I've written into my other story _The Populars and the Geeks. _I know I know, shame on me! **

**Leave a review if you have the time and thanks to all the readers and reviewers from the last chapter!**

**Have a nice night!**

**Ta, **

**Olive**

**(Wow, I kept my author note so short! *gold star for Olive*)**


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